A racist encounter
Content warning: I will be discussing a recent encounter with being told something racist against Black people. I am not Black. This makes me sick to post about but I don’t want to share this story with friends because I don’t want to seem like a virtue signaler or asking for pats on the back. But I need to write my feelings down especially when I heard him completely lying about what he said after it was reported. I want to write the truth while it’s still in my mind.
I vend at local markets and festivals in my city. I recently vended at a Caribbean food and music festival and next to me was a really grumpy vendor. He started the day real angry and mad that the organizers kept asking him to move his car after he had it on the market area past when we were supposed to. This was very clearly in the rules but he was complaining to us about how annoying the organizers are. I thought it was disrespectful of him and he shouldn’t have his car there still, but I didn’t think much of it. His whole brand (marketing, design, logos) is about being angry so I thought it was half a bit. (Looking back on it now, I partly wonder if he just didn’t respect the Black organizers, but this is conjecture)
Later, when he wasn’t doing many sales, he complained to me and said the demographics were not for him. This is like, mostly OK to say, since demographics are obviously part of business. But for me the “demographics” issue was that we were in a section where there were mostly children looking for very specific things and not the products we were selling. He went on about how this festival is in a rich neighborhood so he expected clients willing to buy, but how everyone here were mostly “African Americans who probably don’t make any money” to spend on his products.
This felt “yikes” to me and I made it clear I didn’t fully agree but then I got a customer and had to sell to them. He later came back to me to complain about the live music and dancing. He said it was awful and called it “this monkey shit”. That’s when me and the other two people in my booth noticeably grimaced and made sounds indicating that’s not OK like “yeeesh”. I changed the subject and got him to leave us and immediately huddled with my fiance and brother and asked them how we should handle this. It felt so obviously racially charged. He said it with serious derision. It really took me by surprise because he was at least being cordial with all his (mostly Black) customers.
It immediately broke my heart because this was a happy festival of music and dancing and all customers were very nice and friendly and clearly having a good time. Yes, I was also upset about sales numbers given how high the vendor fee was. But it’s not a reason to be hateful. It makes me sick he even felt comfortable saying that to us. Honestly, it kind of felt like he was escalating what he said each time he talked to us. Like he wanted to see what he could get away with.
We couldn’t decide how to handle it. Do we tell him right away straight up that that’s not OK? Do we tell him at the end? Will he actually take it to heart or get defensive / angry? Do I immediately go to an organizer? I also want to reiterate that this was a VERY clearly angry and miserable man and I’m genuinely afraid of people like him. I’m a small woman.
By the grace of god, an organizer (a Black woman) came to my booth to buy. I couldn’t look her in the eyes after what I just heard. I felt I had to tell her. So many thoughts were going through my mind. I didn’t want to sour such a beautiful and joyful event where people were sharing Caribbean joy and pride and allowed non-Caribbean vendors the space to even sell at the event.
I asked her if I could tell her something that made me uncomfortable and is likely hateful and racist. She said yes, absolutely. I hesitated because it made me sick to repeat but I told her what I heard. I didn’t know how they’d handle it but she said she was grateful I told her.
Not long after, another organizer (Black man) came and introduced himself to my booth. I directed him to the other vendor. They immediately kicked him out. They said they heard multiple reports. I’m not sure if that’s true or if they were trying to protect me.
Since I am fearful of retaliation and making a scene, this probably wouldn’t have been my first choice in how to handle the situation but I’m also not sure there was any other option. He shouldn’t get to make a single extra sale. AND the Black organizers are the ones who SHOULD get to decide how it’s handled. 100% not me. They have that right.
There was only an hour left of the event at this point. He was actually sarcastic and telling the people kicking him out that he’s glad because he had no sales anyways. He took the entire time packing up and during that time he was complaining to the organizers how he was confused and must have been misunderstood. Then he said “oh I was joking about people monkeying around, I even got a monkey on my logo, I’m totally misunderstood” but this was straight up a lie. First, not only is calling black people dancing “monkeying around” bad enough, it isn’t what he said and he said it with serious anger.
Sometimes, a potential customer would come up to him asking if he’s still selling and he’d say no but then give them a business card. Then he’d tell the security watching him pack up that this all worked in his favor because he probably will make more online sales from the attention it grabbed him than if he stayed.
I had to listen to him saying this to multiple people while I continued to sell and he was disallowed from selling and just took forever packing up. I didn’t want to involve myself and make more of a scene or really even let him know I’m the one who reported him.
He looked at me and said “hey, do you want me to report you too so you can leave early and get out of here?”. Since he knew I had not enough sales to make up the vendor fee (it was too high for our booth types tbh). Then, before I left he asked what my brand name was. I didn’t want conflict so I just told him. Now I’m terrified he’s going to try to retaliate against me by review bombing me or telling other people not to do business with me. My business is very new and I’m so scared.
But I do think I did the right thing. He shouldn’t feel comfortable saying something like that to anyone. It was hateful, right? I keep gaslighting myself about what happened. I’m glad other people were with me so I know I didn’t make it up or am overreacting.
In the past, when I was much younger, I always wanted to keep the peace. But that’s how hate gets to continue and spread.
This was such a messy situation. It still makes me sick to think about. In fact, I’m constantly preoccupied and thinking about if I handled it appropriately. Ultimately, keeping safe spaces safe is the most important. My discomfort isn’t the ultimate importance when it comes to racist hate. But it doesn’t change the fact that I still feel conflicted.
Really, I want him to change. I always want people to change and I have seen it happen. There is no point in even spreading positive messages of awareness if we don’t give people space to change and grow. That doesn’t mean no short term consequences, but people need opportunities to change. I don’t know if this is the best way to get him to change. I’m not canceling him or putting him on blast. Here, I’ve tried to anonymize myself and him. He just had a humiliating experience and was called out and I hope that’s enough to internalize something. I also hope he doesn’t feel like he can get away with saying whatever he wants to anyone. But my conflicting feelings on what the best way to handle the situation is why I deferred to the judgment of those for whom the hate was directed. The organizers get to decide how this is handled.
After some time, I have forgiven people who have sexually assaulted me or made awful comments about me as a woman. It used to happen a lot when I was younger. But for those situations, I get to do that. I don’t get to do that for anti-Black comments.
However, the fact he was bragging about this all ending up in his favor isn’t a good look for his “growth” outcomes.
Even now, I’m sick to my stomach.
But I’m more sick that even in a situation of Black joy and happiness, something like this makes its way through. It’s certainly not a surprise to anyone who is Black. But I think more non-Black people should be aware of how ever-present this is. I keep saying “non-Black people” because despite this man being Visibly White, I have seen this level of hate or greater from non-White individuals. It can come from anyone.
Actually, not long ago I watched Sinners. I had been meaning to write about it. I think it’s an important movie.
I want to cry. It’s no wonder many Black people are conflicted on even inviting non-Black people to these kinds of spaces. How can you blame them? This shit is ever-present and seemingly inescapable.
I feel guilty writing this. It’s not like I think I’ve made a great revelation. I don’t want pats on the back. I want more people to rethink their internal biases and any hatred that might have seeped into their brains. You can change. There is so much Hateful propaganda and garbage-spreading out there. Stop making space for these kinds of comments or “jokes”. Enough is enough.
ENOUGH!